Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
