Pappa wants mamma naked
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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