if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
