and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
