just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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