"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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