What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
