when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
