I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
