i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
