man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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