I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
