I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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