im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
