I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
