there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
