Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My balls are so social today.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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