K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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