my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize