why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
