He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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