i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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