The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
