I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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