We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
