i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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