Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
