I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
