I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
