And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
