Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
