I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
