I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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