I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
