Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
