90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
