Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
