you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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