I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
