Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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