How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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