Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
