your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
