So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
