worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
