'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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