We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
