I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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