i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
