we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
