Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
