I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
