the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize