so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
