you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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