Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
