He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
