She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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