The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
