He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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