Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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